I don't know if I want to cry, repeatedly hit my head against the wall, or sleep it off. This whole chem thing is really making me so sad :(( Did you know that one 5.0 marks you off UPCM for good? :(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((( I don't want to let this one course stop me from making my med dreams. I try to put on a brave face, but the truth is that deep inside I'm scared sh**less.
The part I cannot accept is that my body cannot stand by me through all this. It gets tired, it gets sleepy, it gets hungry when I can neither afford rest nor refueling. :| It cannot stay awake beyond 27 hours, a far cry from my Pisay record (39!). These things should be in my control, but it sure doesn't feel that way. These limitations plus my academic shortcomings make me feel that I am disappointing everyone, even myself. :'( It just sucks when even your own thoughts, your self-worth and self-faith (I cannot afford a better term on 30 minutes of sleep) are starting to give up on you. It leaves a hollow, uneasy feeling inside; so uncomfortable that neither catharsis nor private contemplation can make me feel okay again.
It is one of the worst experiences of this lifetime: feeling so helpless, so hopeless as I struggle to save the dreams I built in my youth from the harsh, heartless realities of the world.
They say it is darkest before the break of dawn. How much longer do I hafta brave?
>:D< We'll be there to slap you awake, brew you (virtual) coffee and help you meet those dadlines. HAHA.
ReplyDeleteAnd if not, we'll help pick up the pieces and put those dreams back together.