How we do Christmas

Hello, Christmas 2011.

Mine field.

When we were kids we'd always light candles at the Church after Mass. It would take us a very looooong time to do so, because we'd try to light all the other candles whose fires had perished when Father Wind decided to blow a gust. When my dad asked us why we did so, my little brother replied, "mga pangarap kasi nila 'yan. Kawawa pag namatay."

Star Wars candyyyyy.

Moment of truth

I have this very very awesome friend (ehemninoganaehem) who has a knack for writing blog posts that could pass for formal, legitimate contest/Reader's Digest essays. A few days ago he wrote yet another profound entry. I came across his post tonight, and a part of it reached right out of the screen and slapped me--- hard.

Life isn't about waiting for the stars to align, giving you the perfect opportunity; it's about seizing every opportunity as it presents itself. It's about chasing your dreams without fear of failure, knowing that if you do fail, it isn't the end of the world. It's about taking chances, taking risks, knowing that doing so gives you a chance at creating more cherished memories, regardless of whether you succeed or not. It's not all about the destination, but the journey that leads you there.

It struck my heart at its most vulnerable part: the soft, squishy part I-want-to-play-safe-because-I'm-scared-of-losing-the-gamble part that's always nagging me to think twice, survey all options, bottle everything up.

I always thought of this as something I'd have to live with forever. When I was a kid there was an old Portuguese lady (my dad's best friend's mother) who read Tarot cards and interpreted astrological stuff. Every Christmas we'd be at their house (Ninong ko kasi yung best friend ng dad ko), and time and time again she would ask me my birth date. I was born on the 25th day, which gives 7 as my something-significant number. She said I was a practical person, segurista. I have always justified my check-all-options, ask-for-opinions-first habit with the number 7 and its 'consequent' attitudes. In short, all my life I've played safe. I have never played in the rain, stepped out of a line, or told someone I've been in love with them for the past year and a half unless I'm completely sure I won't end up sick/empty-handed/heartbroken.

And then this guy (or his post) comes along and tells me I should take chances and forget about failing. My gahd, all my life I wanted to learn just that. But how? I have so many doubts, so many fears, so many second-guesses.

If I play in the rain will I end up with loads of fun or a bad fever?

If I step out of the line will I get a better seat or lose my ticket?

If I tell someone I care deeply about them will they freak out and turn me away, or be kind enough to pretend I never said/they didn't hear anything? (hahahaemokid)

If I jump in, what awaits me? If I do not, how will I ever know?

So many questions, so little time. :<

Thank you, 9gag.

...has not yet happened to me. Hahahahaheartbreak. ._.

Thought Compartmentalization

I should start thinking doing something about the schoolwork I hafta do before the break ends.

[  ] Kom II sources

[  ] Kom Questionnaire

[  ] Psych video

[  ] Histo report

[  ] Chem Lab thingy

[  ] PE report

[  ] other stuff for next year

@_@

In other news, I found out that playing Beatle-fans-turned-bodyguards/errand kids for our mom at her high school reunion had great payoffs: eating good food and hogging the photobooth. :> :))

We see with our hearts.

Waaaaaw, wala nito sa bundok.

Village People rejects. XD

Hindi lang alam ng mga kapatid ko, pero I wouldn't trade them for nothin' in this world. Naaaaks. :> :> :')

When you're dead hungry, cheeseburgers turn into Salisbury steaks

Today I saw a real live orchestra, heard the Philippine Madrigal Singers, and walked behind National Artist Bienvenido Lumbera and got to touch his jacket (what is fangirl? hahaha!) :))

Super-cultural night with Nino and Victor! And then to top it all off, Nino and I feasted on cheeseburgers, fries, and hot fudge and caramel sundaes. Thank you, Mcdo, for being the cherry that gloriously crowns life's most memorable moments. :))

Anyhows, let's get to the actual cultural part. The Madrigal Singers sang Paskong Walang Hanggan, a heartwarming/kilig/heartbreaking song. I say that because HAHAHA pag heartbroken ka, malamang nakakalungkot makinig sa ganitong uri ng kanta. But then again, there's Mom and Dad and siblings and pets and friends and best friends and people you don't really like but hafta thank because they made you a better person.. yes. :)) From any perspective though, you can't deny the fact that it's sure to make you feel that the arrector pili mechanism God has so generously blessed you with actually works.

Ang bawat kong pangarap iyong pinalitan

Binigyan ako ng lakas, tiyaga at tapang

Na harapin ang bawat tanong at pag-aalinlangan...

...dahil alam kong ikaw ay katabi ko lamang. :)

How I wish this was the view outside my bedroom window.

On a good day it'd look like this. On a dreary one, like this. It ain't half bad. :)) Photos not mine. :))

HELLO, CHRISTMAS VACATION. I HEART YOU.

Can't get over how cool (and sometimes tautological) this is

 SHE BELIEVED.

I'm losing you

So I reeeeeally feel like crying right now, but as usual I am too tired. I spent the day at a baptism then went straight to Tutorlink and taught for three straight hours.. and then this heartbreaking moment: the realization that (maybe) I'm a failure at trying to keep old friendships, or at least nurture them. <///3

I think I'm losing you, and it's making my eyes rain and my heart break into a million little pieces too microscopic to childishly put together with a bit of white glue.. or any other (sticky) means, for that matter. :(

*One big sigh.*

Heartache tonight, I know.

This ain't a post for the brokenhearted

Sir Martin's FB post led me to read the 'Strangers on a Bus' article. And it made me feel so kilig for the author and so bleh for myself. Why can't love just pop up in my life like that? :))

This pretty much sums up my perception of love (and most other things).

from a more Joseph Gordon-Levitt (read: pessimistic) point-of-view,

But hey! This is just a PrntScrn of the bad days, the ones where (s)he decides things ain't gonna work between you and her/him because (s)he likes Chocolate Bittermelon-flavored Jelly Bellys and you don't love 'em as much. Don't get me wrong, I still believe in the idea of thoughtful, understanding, funny, retro guy who would someday knock on my paper-strewn desktop and offer to share burger and fries (and the rest of his life) with me. I do believe in fairytales, I do, I do.. I just think we all have a tendency to Disney-fy relationships more often than needed. :))

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas

...and my brain feels like taking a vacation, too.

Last night I cried like sht. =)) I was crying to my brother about how awful I felt about going to school, because I don't feel like I'm growing as a person there. No creative exchange. No new ideas coming to quench my thirst. Nothing. :|

Between sniffles and a pool of tears I said that this bland routine is killing me. It may sound like the stupidest thing, but it's true. I'm dying out here, man, and no one's coming to save me. :|

More of a one-line rant than a wish

I was never good at starting an interesting conversation, and I don't think I'll ever be good at it. Sigh.

Speaking of guys with girls' lashes...

...meet the prettiest boy you've ever seen. Andrej Pejic, nineteen, model. Awesome. It's not just the lashes, it's the everything. @_____________@

A fashion editor once said, "There’s something quite sexy and subversive about a man in a dress." Well, Andrej makes that statement all the more tautological.

148 years and still kickin'.