Moment of truth

I have this very very awesome friend (ehemninoganaehem) who has a knack for writing blog posts that could pass for formal, legitimate contest/Reader's Digest essays. A few days ago he wrote yet another profound entry. I came across his post tonight, and a part of it reached right out of the screen and slapped me--- hard.

Life isn't about waiting for the stars to align, giving you the perfect opportunity; it's about seizing every opportunity as it presents itself. It's about chasing your dreams without fear of failure, knowing that if you do fail, it isn't the end of the world. It's about taking chances, taking risks, knowing that doing so gives you a chance at creating more cherished memories, regardless of whether you succeed or not. It's not all about the destination, but the journey that leads you there.

It struck my heart at its most vulnerable part: the soft, squishy part I-want-to-play-safe-because-I'm-scared-of-losing-the-gamble part that's always nagging me to think twice, survey all options, bottle everything up.

I always thought of this as something I'd have to live with forever. When I was a kid there was an old Portuguese lady (my dad's best friend's mother) who read Tarot cards and interpreted astrological stuff. Every Christmas we'd be at their house (Ninong ko kasi yung best friend ng dad ko), and time and time again she would ask me my birth date. I was born on the 25th day, which gives 7 as my something-significant number. She said I was a practical person, segurista. I have always justified my check-all-options, ask-for-opinions-first habit with the number 7 and its 'consequent' attitudes. In short, all my life I've played safe. I have never played in the rain, stepped out of a line, or told someone I've been in love with them for the past year and a half unless I'm completely sure I won't end up sick/empty-handed/heartbroken.

And then this guy (or his post) comes along and tells me I should take chances and forget about failing. My gahd, all my life I wanted to learn just that. But how? I have so many doubts, so many fears, so many second-guesses.

If I play in the rain will I end up with loads of fun or a bad fever?

If I step out of the line will I get a better seat or lose my ticket?

If I tell someone I care deeply about them will they freak out and turn me away, or be kind enough to pretend I never said/they didn't hear anything? (hahahaemokid)

If I jump in, what awaits me? If I do not, how will I ever know?

So many questions, so little time. :<