Mind Games

I should really stop this vicious cycle.

The assuming-expecting combo is my greatest flaw: happy as a puppy one moment then suddenly down in the dumps the next, I ride an emotional rollercoaster I built for myself with generally-nice gestures, sappy text messages, and 10-to-3 conversations about almost anything we can talk about.

Why can I not tell generic kindness from special treatment? Why do I fall for imaginary interest? Why can I not stop believing in fairytales? I am nineteen, I should've learned to be realistic a million eternities ago.

Ugh. Feels again. I shoul go back to the AVP.

It's always too early to quit.

It gets pretty rough at times but I'm doing my best. I won't give up. Promise. :)

It's that song from that sad movie

So I didn't get exempted.  Can you say brokenhearted?

<//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////3

There, I said it.

I've gotten into that senti-emo mood again, the same mood you get from watching (500) Days of Summer. :/ But I just don't want to stress myself out anymore. I missed. Maybe it's enough to accept that fact.

It's a bittersweet brand of sadness, one I have't really known quite so well as to explain completely. But here's a palette for you, which (I think) explains my feelings waaay better than my vocabulary can.

Did you recognize the sad part of the palette instantly?

Being a colornerd helps me soothe my feelings. It's a big thing in times when I'm not fluent enough with real human lingo. :))

A Day in the Life of a Commuter/Lazy Person Who Fears Karma/Cheapskate/Hopeless Romantic

My day started off with a big headache. You know it's gonna be a good day when it starts with a throbbing sensation anywhere else but your heart.

And then the LRT ride. My class was at 8:30, but because my siblings are still in high school I had to hitch a ride at 6am. I arrived at the station fifty minutes later. Being a veteran commuter (HAHAHA), I decided to skip two trains to avoid the morning rush. The moment I stepped aboard my chosen carriage, I heard Arnold Schwarzenegger (wow I spelled that right) uttering Jack Slater's (The Last Action Hero) famous line:

BIG MISTAKE.

Turns out this train had no aircon. Grrrrreeeeaaaat way to start the day.

And then classes. Math, as usual. Then Socsci. I got a 1.5 tenta and was therefore exempted from the finals. But I felt so...sad. All my grade components were great, except for a single long quiz I asdfghjkl-ed. Not that I failed it, I just got a barely-passing score. But IT RUINED EVERYTHINGGGGG. My inability (or lack of motivation) to memorize the evolution series of humans (read: hominids and hominoids are sooooo different) led to my so-so grade. I deserve this. v_v

Next up! Since we don't have Histo classes anymore, classes ended at 11.30 am. One of my blockmates said she was going to have her Natsci handouts bound at a Pedro Gil xerox shop for 30 pesos. So I thought that it would be responsible of me to do the same. I went and had my photocopy thingies softbound, expecting to feel more masipag as I browsed through a neat set of slides and notes. When Zerox Girl  (Zerox yung pangalan ng shop) handed us the two books, she charged 110 pesos. Fifty five each samantalang ang nipis lang. Pontiac. I only had 170 with me. I kissed Sergio Osmeña and kicked Emilio Aguinaldo goodbye, then went on our way.

And then something good happened: I bought a pirated copy of Zombadings so that my sister could watch it. And since the dude selling the DVDs didn't have 5 pesos, I got it for 30 pesos instead of 35. I bought it because I promised I'd watch it in a movie house with my sister but due to time constraints (film critique deadline!) I had to watch it alone. :( Also because I want to watch this again at a sleepoverrrrrr HAHAHA! So there, one good deed for ol' Patty.

Nothing much happened on the LRT ride back to Roosevelt, except for the fact that I noticed my bags took up a total of one human unit of space inside the train. Tsk, impolite commuter. [-(

And then there was the FX ride home. This is where sadness walks in.

The driver was a very impatient man. We were waiting for two more passengers, and he was uttering curses at the speed of light. And he wasn't uttering them under his breath, either. I had the seat next to the front passenger door. Not a good seat if you started your day as mentioned above. Mister Headache came back to accompany me on my way home as the door shook with every bump on the road. If I were Christopher Lao I'd start cursing the government for such lousy roads, but that's an entirely different blog post.

I was content with my bad headache and Socsci fail when the radio started to pour out the lyrics of what I considered to be that song which marks a veeery important realization moment in my life. I pulled off my earphones and was on the verge of getting misty-eyed and optimistic when Mister Impolite Driver changed the channel. "So high that I could almost asdghjklkjhgfdsqsdfgytrewsdfgvcdsedr." Well, Forrest Gump did say sht happens, so...

And then I got home. I had lunch (lugaw, haha) and decided I would study for Natsci (Chem) and make notes. I went to the library and opened the blinds to let the light in and sat on the couch and started highlighting things. And then...I fell asleep. Like a happy little munchkin cat curled up in the sunlight. As if all the sad happenings of the day did not matter at all.

says meow.

And now it's 01:38 am and I'm waiting for him to reply, but I think he fell asleep na.

It happens.